I! (I!) WANNA! (WANNA!) BE ULTIMATE!

Saturday 28th March 2026

I want to be a writer!! Maybe. I saw this gif on tumblr of a new anime coming out, with this mushroom haircut middle-school boy and this sleepy werewolf type guy. I thought it was BL so I looked further into the tag and saw the boy in a girl's middle school uniform, "ah, she's just got a tomboy-like vibe. that's cool" but I hate manga about romance between adult men and schoolkids (¬_¬") until I looked again, and the older guy was also in a skirt...( ˶°ㅁ°) !! THIS RULES ACTUALLY!!!! The manga is called "Ikoku Nikki" (lit: "Diary of a Strange Land", eng title: "Journal with Witch") and I highly recommend it. Its about a high school girl (the tomboy) who goes to live with her maternal aunt (the werewolf type) after her parents die. It's very heartfelt and sincere and slice of life-y (and its not a romance dw). But the plot is inconsequential rn. All you need to know is that the aunt is a novel writer, and shes SWAGGED TF OUTTTTTT she's so freakin coolll!!!!! the aura farmer 5000. and I want that. shes this tortured genius with social anxiety and depression and greasy hair who holes herself up in her study and produces the most incredible award winning novels- to me, who loves to harm herself, this is the perfect state of being. I wouldn't say I enjoy being harmed, but there is a satisfaction to it. This deep unmoveable conviction that I deserve it, or something! Thats off topic. Anyway, I wonder if I'd be able to pull of the brooding genius look? (֊⎚-⎚) Makio chan (the aunt) is tall and skinny so she really gives off this mysterious and adult-like aura, but I'm literally super short so I might just look like a gloomy nerd ("-ࡇ-) sigh. I'm 24 already so I want to look more like a real adult and be taken seriously, but even when I freakin meet people for the first time they say I look like a cartoon character... WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEANNNNNNNN GANG. blehhhh I've got these stupid big eyes and this stupid soft ass voice (my uni friend once called it an "expensive" voice, i know its a compliment but i also dk what that means) BUT SOMETIMES I WANT TO BE MYSTERIOUS TOO YKNOWWWWWW!!! I totally hate when people treat me like a kid. It makes me feel like they think im incapable, or like they pity me? and oh, that makes me so angry. blehhh. (｡•̀ ⤙ •́ ｡ꐦ) !!! *claps my hands together in prayer "Your Name" style* in my next life let me be reborn as a swagged out Byronic sasuke-core emo boy!!!! *the finger of my cursed monkey paw curls* .which could mean nothing the only problem with wanting to be a writer is that my writing is actually not that good! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ I mean its better than some (my kouhai once proudly presented me a truly heinous fantasy snippet that blasted away my imposter syndrome like an atomic bomb), but i wouldn't say its g-o-o-d. good enough to be proud of and show people, at least. but i still want to write... sometimes i try and sit down and write and truly nothing springs forth. other times the spirit moves me and I abandon the task at hand to get it all down before it disappears. uhhh and sometimes i force myself to just write, like whatever just put down anything, and its ass! its dirt! mid asf! I'll keep at it. by GOD i WANT to be a writer, and what i want i take for myself! ! ! I wanna be the ultimate me!!

Today's Mood: tired... but fired up!!! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

I'm listening to: Ego Renegade Boy by FLAVOR FOLEY

this is lizaveta, functional member of society, signing off!